Texas 74, West Virgina 71

In which Kenton Paulino becomes the greatest human with that last name to have never appeared on a Real Kids album.

UCLA 73, Gonzaga 71

Congrats, CBS. Not only will further attempts at televising simulated teen sex be dealt with harshly, but you’ve lost JJ Redick and Adam Morrision for the rest of the tournament!

Spare a thought for the Zags’ Derek Raivio, who will be applying Fred Biletnikoff-brand Stick’em to his hands for the rest of his days on this mortal coil.