Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, preuambly aware of “E-60″‘s unseemly ambush of Astros SS Miguel Tejada, submits the following transcript from his own fateful encounter with “Ferris Toms of Fox Sports Net’s ‘F-60′”. “Little did I know my whole ink-sustained world would come crashing down when I agreed to do the interview” complained Chad, who might still have something left to offer as a character actor….if a second season of “Tilt” ever takes place.

Toms: How old are you?

Me: Me? I’m 47.

Toms: Born in …?

Me: A hospital.

Toms: In which year?

Me: 1960.

Toms: You sure?

Me: Why do I have to lie? Are you a divorce attorney?

Toms: We acquired the birth certificate that your father filed when you were a boy and, uh, let me show it to you because I want you to explain this to me. OK?

Me: My father? Where did you find him at, OTB or DMV?

Toms: This is your birth certificate, right? Is that you?

Me: Probably. Maybe. Perhaps. Who wants to know?

Toms: Is this your birth certificate?

Me: Hey, you don’t have to bring me over here to talk about my personal stuff — I pay a therapist to do that.