First off, let me start by saying CSTB’s invisible Copa America coverage thus far has been nothing short of shameful, and I pledge to improve the blog’s standing on that count sometime between tomorrow and say, 3 weeks after the tournament ends.

Secondly, while I was taking a very long nap during Thierry Henry’s transfer to Barca, The Fiver’s Rob Smyth is nearly beside himself over the news of Arsenal’s acquisition of Dinamo Zagreb striker Eduardo De Silva.

Da Silva is the Brazilian-born Croatian who scored the opening goal in the 2-0 humbling of England last year, and who bagged a Croatian-record 34 goals in the last league season. He is little more than a predator, a man who sniffs chances like the Fiver does the hair of beautiful (optional) ladies (non-negotiable) on the Tube when nobody else is looking.

But an out-and-out scorer is what Arsenal have craved since Wenger attempted his last vulpine purchase – Franny Jeffers in 2001 – only to discover his fox was actually a slimy, diving weasel. Crucially, Da Silva is an excellent header of the ball, which is something nobody in the Arsenal forward line has been since 2003, even in training, because heading a football actually really, really, really hurts.

Being simple folk, the Fiver has never really understood irony, just as we’ve never understood the plot of Ocean’s 11, or why ‘abbreviation’ is such a long word. But we’re happy none the less to note with absolute authority the irony of the fact that, in an age when the fox in the box is becoming extinct for not contributing enough in other areas, the most Total Footballing side in Europe should find a place for one.

At £16.25m, da Silva, like the writhing dames of Mayfair Hosebags Inc, doesn’t come cheap – especially not for a man who has never played in a decent league. But if there is a better judge of raw talent out there than Wenger, he is probably wearing a preposterous painted mullet and a thong and calling himself Peter Stringfellow