(Phil Mitchell – because brother Grant briefly ran a gym, he’s very qualified to investigate)

Along with contemplating a) just how sick Astros fans must’ve been watching Willy Tavares’ diving catch against the Snakes last night (possibly not as bad as Mets fans fell enduring Kaz Matsui putting his stamp on the postseason) and b) just where the deposed Leo Mazzone ranks on the list of Peter Angelos’ Worst Free Agent Signings, I’m also wondering how MLB managed to leak the following bit of glum news to ESPN’s Buster Olney right when the league championships were taking place.

Some officials came away from a 30-team Major League Baseball conference call held mid-day Friday with the understanding that the forthcoming Mitchell report would include many names; names which have so far not been disclosed publicly; and the names of well-known players.

According to those familiar with the conference call, Tom Carlucci, a lawyer for MLB, told the team representatives on the conference call that the report is going to be “salacious.”

Said one source familiar with what was said on the conference call, “This is going to be enormous … it’s going to be a huge story when these names come out.”

“Salacious”?  That’s just great, we’re all dying to know more about the condition of Jason Giambi’s genitals. Personally, I’m not sure I can cope with any futher damage to Rico Brogna or David Segui’s reputations.   Postman E, too, admits to being “a little frightened” over at The Fanhouse :

It’s been easy to bash Barry Bonds, to rip Rafael Palmeiro, and to paint Mitchell as Bud Selig’s lackey, all the while complaining about steroids in the game. But now what happens? What happens when one of the respected players in the league comes up dirty? What happens if it’s your favorite player, or the young prospect your franchise has its hopes tied to? What do you do then?

I think you’d have the following options :

a) purchase a Shawne Merriman jersey and stop watching baseball.
b) try to put the PED era in some kind of historical context and fucking-get-on-with-it
c) try to remember that Rick Ankiel obtaining prescription drugs from a doctor with questionable credentials is no indication of anything (not everyone knows where to buy drugs on the street)
d) if your name is Omar Minaya, carefully review the list.  If any of the players implicated are free agents in 2008, try not to offer them a multi-year deal.