The same day we learn the Harry Anderson-lookalike member of the Red Sox ownership troika is about to dine on Bachelor Chow, the Globe’s Gordon Edes covers a stunt performed by the same guy that brought you Roseanne Barr singing the National Anthem. This time however, under the guise of Wally The Green Monster.

“I wanted to play a practical joke on Larry (Lucchino, above),” he revealed in an exclusive e-mail yesterday. “John Henry was in on it with me. I told John to get Larry down to the field at 12:30. I put on the Wally suit (it was about 200 degrees in the suit), I walked out on the field and, after shaking a bunch of kids’ hands — isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? — I walked up to John (Henry) and shook his hand.

“Then I walked up to Larry and tousled his hair. He had that look on him which said, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

“I then took three rubber baseballs that I had in my hand and fired them at his head. Now he was getting extremely irritated.

“I then went up to him, started to push him, and tousled his hair again. He said, ‘What is going on with you?’

“I put up my mitts and pretended to fight him. Now he was really getting angry.”

It was at that point Wally decided he’d better let Lucchino in on a secret before something happened that would cause parents to cover their crying kids’ eyes.

This Wally, you see, was an impostor.

“I said to him, ‘Larry, it’s me! Tom!’ “

That would be Tom, as in Tom Werner, the Sox chairman who has made a career out of producing laughs in Hollywood and was now enjoying a big one at his partner’s expense.

“I don’t think Larry was as amused about the practical joke as John or me,” Werner acknowledged yesterday. “I am still chuckling. I wanted to take off the Wally head, but I thought that would be breaking the Wally code.”

On behalf of CSTB’s contributors, readers and advertisers, I would like to sincerely congratulate Alex Rodriguez on becoming the youngest player….to become the subject of a Jose Canseco smear campaign.