Vearing ever so close to territory previously claimed by Liz Clayton’s exceptional Mascot Stalker, attempts to rank the Top 25 Worst Division 1 NCAA Mascots (link courtesy Laure Parsons).

While singling out Xavier’s Blue Blob (no. 4, “what an alcoholic single dad would craft for his son for a Halloween or school pageant costume,”) and Harvard’s John Harvard (No. 3, “I didn’t know that Harvard founder John Harvard was a retarded burn victim,”), Stanford’s Cardinal takes the honors.

Being a classy institution, Stanford likes to add a little formality to whatever they touch, so, naturally, this tree is outfitted in a bowtie and top hat. The big red lips and googly eyes add a vaguely racist (if that’s even possible with an evergreen) touch.

Congratulations to you, Stanford, for spawning the most heinous, ugliest, random, and downright retarded mascot in the NCAA.