While the Chicago Tribune’s Rick Morrissey finds something questionable about Sammy Sosa’s interior decoration choices (“I’m not saying Sammy has an ego the size of a large Caribbean island. Goodness, no. He simply collects bigger-than-life oil paintings of former major-league baseball players who are stuck on 588 home runs, dying to get back into the game and desperate to be elected to the Hall of Fame,”), his colleague Fred “Don’t Call Me FredEx” Mitchell pesters Slammin’ Sammy with one of the era’s most enduring mysteries, “who smashed Sammy’s boom box?”

“That’s in the past, but I never found out, to tell you the truth,” Sosa said. “It’s easy when the man is not in the house and the chickens start jumping around. It is easy to smash the boom box when the owner of the house is not there.”

Pitcher Kerry Wood has been suspected, but no one has confessed to the destruction of Sosa’s property after he left Wrigley Field early on the last day of the 2004 season.

“I left the club, and when you don’t have any more business with the team, you have to move to a new house,” said Sosa, who was traded to the Orioles that off-season.

“Whatever happened when you left, it’s not my problem. That didn’t hurt me. I am living large. I have 20 boom boxes!”