(Claudio Reyna, after being run ragged by a bunch of old men, wonders how much someone paid for the skywriter with the banner reading “U SUK”)

Czech Republic 3, U.S. 0 (full time)

After having been throughly outclassed, outmuscled and outsmarted by a vastly superior Czech side (Arsenal’s latest signing, Tomas Rosicky in particular) the United States’ chances of advancing to the round of 16 are …..(long Red Roof Inn pause) remote. While Eddie Johnson didn’t embarrass himself, there’s really no positives to take away from this match, other than, uh, it didn’t rain.

That said, if Bruce Arena is struggling to think of ways of staying on the field with Italy next Saturday, he might want to enlist the consultancy services of Kevin Cadle (above), an acknowledged expert in the areas of tackling, penalty-taking and all-around getting-it-in-the-goal-hole.