Though steadfastly predicting James Dolan (above) “is on the verge of fumigating the place”, the Post’s Peter Vescey admits that Isiah Thomas “is so inept he can’t even get himself fired. Nothing he does – coaching appointments, trades, free agent signings, buyouts in the hundreds of millions of dollars – works. Even drafting Renaldo Balkman so high backfired when it turned out he had game.” And with that in mind, Poison Pete helpfully supplies Zeke with the scenarios required for a Knicks coaching change.

1. Refer to Mrs. Dolan as a œnappy-headed ho.”;
2. Grope any number of Rockettes … twice;
3. Refinance the Garden with an adjustable rate mortgage;
4. Retire Latrell Sprewell’s number;
5. Add OJ Simpson, gun drawn, as an assistant coach;
6. Take in Osama bin Laden as a border;
7. Run any future lineup changes through Tim Donaghy first;
8. Become a pitchman for DirecTV;
9. Use company letterhead to write Next Town Brown a letter of reference;
10. Testify alongside Marbury for Anucha at the appeal.