Actually, if the numbers are correct, there aren’t millions of kids watching. The viewership leans more towards middle-aged dudes, many of whom suffer from erectile dysfunction, hence all the advertisements directed at them (if you’re not in the 40-55 demo, that’s what all the DraftKings ads are for). There’s a strong relationship between the rights fees MLB commands and the salaries earned by deep thinkers like Wainwright. And unfortunately, Larry Brown Sports’ Greg Papke adds, “he’s far from the first to bring this up, however, as many parents watching with children probably don’t want to have to explain what, exactly, these commercials are for.”

Yes, that would be horrible, having to interrupt an inconsequential bit of television programming to have a frank discussion about human sexuality with one’s offspring. Perhaps Wainwright and Papke would prefer such conversations took place in our wonderful public schools, where our educators are fully encouraged to share all scientific findings with their young charges?