(what’s the number for the “down in front” hotline?)

That would be “Omg! Drunk Amok Nr 50-yd Line”, a (Gate D inspired?) missive penned by Frances X. Clines (link courtesy David Williams). Family outings (?) to NFL games are, in the words of Clines miserably tainted ; “most disheartening is to see families with small children suffering through the vulgarity. Anyone who considers objecting ” by daring to summon a security guard ” runs the risk of facing gang retaliation, for the Alpha male bellowers rarely have the guts to stand alone.” Cheer up, would be whistle blowers, as Frances announces , “hope is on the way”.

The National Football League, aware that the stadium experience has soured, has instituted an electronic lifeline. Cellphone texters can privately dial a number displayed at the stadium and complain to security offices without fear of retaliation. The accused disrupter can then be discreetly observed and ejected from the game if guards confirm the abuse.This already has been happening, and some clubs have even stripped offenders of their season tickets. (The league says there has been a minimum of prank texters, and they run the same risks as grandstand rowdies when repeaters are discovered.) The texting alert has been in use at most games and will be in effect at the playoffs and the Super Bowl.

Hooray for the side of civility, but don™t leave the earplugs home yet. Predictably, the yammering world of 24/7 sports talk is debating whether a œrat line has been invented to abuse the civil rights of the accused. That™s akin to complaining about the traffic cams that catch the plate numbers of lethal hit-and-run drivers.

Actually, there’s no shortage of persons who consider traffic cameras to be an infringement of civil liberties — the late Mike Dickin comes to mind, as does the (sadly) still living Jeremy Clarkson.