In the wake of what Nashville police have declined to characterize as the murder-suicide of former Titans QB Steve McNair and 20 year old paramour Sahel “Jenny” Kazemi, Fox Sports’ Jason Whitlock testifies, “I pass no judgment on McNair kicking it with a woman 16 years his junior,” while writing of McNair’s four sons, “you can’t maintain two homes, two families. If HBO has shown us anything, it’s that kids are the losers when it comes to Big Love.” And with that, I strongly suggest you find the econo-sized bottle of Maxium Strength Pepto-Bismol for what’s about to follow :

The kids, they’re victims of two horrific crimes: 1. the murder of their father; 2. their father’s apparent abandonment so that he had time to wine, dine, vacation and shack up with his jump-off.

Personally, I prefer June-December romances, but a blossoming May flower certainly could be fertilized into a special, 28-year-old bouquet by a patient and attentive gardener.

As for the life-experience, station-in-life disparity between a retired millionaire quarterback and a Dave & Buster’s waitress, well, let he who has never Captained cast the first hoe.

Every man I know has a little Captain in him. We see a pretty young thang working her way through nursing or cosmetology school and it’s just in our nature to pay a cellphone bill, a car note or get her nails done.

It’s what we do. And if you’ve earned a chunk of change in professional sports or in corporate America, you might buy a big black Escalade in her name, fly her to Vegas or go parasailing over the ocean.

The look of pure, unadulterated joy on McNair’s face captured as he and Jenny parasailed is one every real man recognizes as the uncontrollable feeling of elation that gushes through the male, middle-aged body when he finds the Tenderoni Bobby Brown sang about.

When you’re done squirming, keep in mind the portion of this tragedy that does have Whitlock passing judgement are the claims of condo neighbors that “McNair spent so much time with Kazemi over the past few months that people assumed they lived together.” That’s what separates an Oprah-recognized journalist from a mere blogger, ladies and gentleman. Whitlock can judge the veracity of such claims merely by reading them on the internet. With a Ball State journalism degree, he doesn’t even need to use the word “allegedly”.