For David Beckham (above, left)  to attend the forthcoming wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton will require an inconvenient amount of international travel if the formally relevant England international hopes to play in the Los Angeles Galaxy’s away match at FC Dallas the same weekend.  However, When Saturday Comes’ Ian Plenderneith considers Beckham’s appearance at the wedding an excuse for a justifiable absence given that “top players hobnobbing with the aristocracy makes perfect sense when you look at all the things they have in common.” Yes, but what about David Beckham?

Neither the royals nor football players make any substantial contribution to the benefit of society, and yet both are hailed, revered and acclaimed on a regular basis as though they actually do. Both have hugely inflated opinions of their own importance, as well as scads more money than they need, but which they generally waste (although at least most football players pay tax). When they speak, they rarely say anything of depth, and give the impression that they belong to a world of self-entitlement entirely cut off from reality. In-breeding is fashionable in both circles. And finally, if Buckingham Palace was razed to the ground and the Premier League was abolished tomorrow, it’s arguable that for the vast majority of people life would continue much as before, possibly even for the better.

Unfortunately, Britain missed its historical opportunities to cut off the heads of the unjustifiably elite, so with regard to the aristocracy it looks like we’re stuck with these human parodies for good. Overthrowing the Premier League is just as improbable. Therefore young Britons will continue to grow up with dreams of marrying a prince, or becoming a vastly overpaid sportsman renowned for advancing a round ball into pertinent spaces.