At the risk of exhibiting total insensitivity for those with a serious condition, I think I might have to fly to Toronto next Wednesday night.

(has anyone told Vernon Wells about this?)

It could be my one and only chance to yell “motherfucking, cocksucking piece of shit” at the top of my lungs at a public sporting event without getting tossed.

(Other than the time I saw Mike Lupica at a New York Rangers game, anyway.)

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sit outside and wait for Jim Eisenreich to come over and beat me up.