He ain’t hittin’ the ball, so …

Utilityman Alberto Callaspo (.215), who’s played everywhere from right field to third base for the Diamondbacks in those horrifically ugly new uniforms, was booked on Thursday on one count of assault.

Turns out (shock) he has a history of domestic violence. From The Arizona Republic:

According to the booking documents, Callaspo had a “previous altercation” with his wife “during which time the victim (Paola) was cut with a knife.”

As for Thursday’s incident …

According to the documents, Callaspo and Paola had an argument Thursday, during which Callaspo broke a video camera and Paola’s cellphone.

Callaspo, 24, told police that Paola, 22, pushed him and he pushed her back, at which point she “started to come at him again,” the document reads. “(Callaspo) pushed her away, and he kicked her in the buttocks area . . . causing a red mark/flesh abrasion,” according to the document.

But leave it to Callaspo’s lawyer to set the record straight:

“Domestic violence cases are very serious,” (Benjamin) Green said. “(But) I don’t see any significant injury. It appears that maybe she started it. . . . The news seems to be picking out things like ‘kicked’ and ‘pushed,’ and they’re not reading the whole thing. I think the public needs to know it’s not that type of a case. There are two people involved. He’s not coming home and beating his wife.”

Right. “Beating” is a little strong. “Cut with a knife,” maybe. But “beating,” no, no. You media types have it all wrong.

Whatever the case, the Diamondbacks put Callaspo on the restricted list (i.e., no dough), the story says, “because of a failure to report for the team’s charter flight to Houston on Thursday.” I guess Callaspo’s one allotted phone call from the clink to his wife’s cellie probably wasn’t going through.

Bob Melvin never had to touch the phone (segue!) as NL Cy Young winner Brandon Webb went the distance in striking out 10 in a 3-1 victory over the Astros.