I always figured the Blazers’ blogtastic Channing Frye would be more of a “True Blood” kinda guy. Having already weighed in that cinematic masterpieces “Saw V” , Fyre denounces the box office smash “Twilight” as “just way way way too mushy for being a vampire movie” (“vampires literally eat animals and by animals I mean people. With their bare hands ‘n fangs. Yes, no utensils needed.”)

I asked my fiance what was so intriguing about the book and here was her analysis: “The reason why I and many women love this story is because the main vampire, Edward, is deeply in love with Bella (main women character.) He loves her but cannot do anything physical with her and that type of naughty” tension (wink, wink) is what I think keeps people reading. The fact that he loves her and doesn’t want to hurt her, yet he says, ‘her blood is the sweetest he had smelled in a 100 years.’ So he can’t do anything with her because he might lose control and EAT her. Therein lies the conflict and the draw for reading these stories.”

Now, when I heard this, the first thing I thought of was how lonely is this girl that outta all of the people in all the world she falls in love with a dang vampire? I mean, come on. That’s like me having a pet lion or a pet dragon and loving it all day and never coming to the conclusion that hey, when my pet dragon or lion is hungry all this lovey-dovey stuff is going out the window. It’s gonna bite my face off.

I’m just a guy venting. It’s a wildly famous book and series, but all I want to know is what am I missing? Did Bella watch too many episodes of Blade or what?