Will Ferrell lookalike Adam Dunn went deep twice against Carlos Zambrano, and Aaron Harang allowed just one unearned run in Cincinnati’s 5-1 Opening Day defeat of the Cubs. Wojohowicz notes the debut of the Reds’ cheerleaders (above), observing “Marge would approve of the lack of melanin.”

“As, perhaps would Schottzie.”

For one day at least, the Royals’ decision to lavish $55 million on Gil Meche is looking pretty good. The same might be said of the Red Sox’s reluctance to negotiate a contract extension for Curt Schilling. The lumbering Everquest enthusiast was chased after allowed 5 runs and 8 hits over 4 innings, while Meche was responsible for little damage beyond a David Ortiz RBI double. KC’s leading 6-1 after 7 1/2 innings, and we might have to wait at least another half hour for a game summary at 38 Pitches.

Other than a Brady Clarke single and a solo HR by Lt. Dangle, Milwaukee’s Ben Sheets was perfect today against the Dodgers. Not as a human being, mind you, I’m sure he’s as flawed as anyone else.

Who looked less like a no. 1 starter this afternoon, the Nats’ John Patterson or the ChiSox’s Jose Contreras?

The Washington Post’s Paul Duggan reports that George Bush skipped opening day in DC for the 2nd year in a row.

“Oh, yes, he was invited,” said Bush spokeswoman Emily Lawrimore. She said the president, an avid baseball fan and former part owner of the Texas Rangers, would love to be there. But “it’s not possible with his schedule. He’s got various meetings during the day, a meeting earlier in the morning. . . . It just wasn’t going to work out.”

With Bush’s approval ratings stuck below 40 percent in recent polls, Lawrimore was asked whether the president feared he’d get booed. “No,” she replied. “Certainly not.”