A 2005 study by the Charles R. Drew University of Medicine and Science claimed that malt liquor drinkers “are more likely to be homeless, unemployed, or receiving public assistance.”

Perhaps with a slightly tonier demographic in mind, Pabst Brewery, the makers of Colt .45, have teamed up with the soulless purveyors of bullshit cutting edge humorists at Vice to spread around the following bit of spam.

VICE and Colt 45 are looking for your favorite stories about nights out with Colt 45. Got chased by dogs at 3am? Lost your pants on a bet and had to walk home? Got stuck in a compromising situation? Take a minute and write to us. The best stories will be illustrated by underground comic book artists and released with upcoming issues of Vice Magazine in its own mini-mag form. The first issue comes out in June and if we might say so, it™s pretty killer. Send all stories, yarns and anecdotes to [email protected] . Please send us your stories asap, as we are looking for ones for the July issue. Also, look for VICE and Colt coming to your cities this summer to have some late night adventures and throw down with your favorite djs.

(Funnily enough, I do have such a story. About a month back, I got so drunk on Colt .45 that I cashed a check from Pabst in exchange for hassling innocent people. )

These motherfuckers would be so much better off bringing back Billy Dee Williams. And no one on earth, not even Michael Vick, uses phrases like “I love the shit out of dogs.”