Jim Goad doesn’t update his blog very often. But when he does, it’s a doozy, as evidenced by his review of the Doc Johnson Auto-Suck.
The 2005 Auto-Suck model looks nothing like I remember it from HUSTLER. Fully assembled, it™s the size of a hair dryer, and about as loud. The handle is fashioned of black plastic that™s so cheap, it™s probably imitation plastic. And the attachment is a clear rubber-gel cannoli with a pinkish œmouth on one end. It resembles a freshwater hydra or a baby albino eel”SEXY!
And who exactly is supposed to be able to fit their penis inside the rubber cannoli? Pygmy children? Fully limp and shriveled-up on a misty October night as I barreled down a dark road in my unbearably sensuous minivan, I was unable to insert even the tip of my flaccid maleness inside the Auto-Suck™s eel mouth as it loudly whirred.