With the sort of uncanny channeling of a public figure’s voice/persona not seen on the internet since the heyday of The Dugout, @CrankyVince — a Twitter account devoted to the daily musings of someone who is most assuredly not WWE CEO Vincent Kennedy McMahon — reimagines the wrestling monopolist as a Muscle Milk-swilling, profane, oversexed narcissist with little concern for his employees or paying customers. Wow, what a stretch!
Whether @CrankyVince is dealing with Hurricane Irene (“WRITERS & BUTLER FRANTICALLY DIGGING UP MY BACKYARD IN RAIN TRYING TO FIND BODY OF GUY I KILLED IN 1991. NEED TO MOVE IT BEFORE YARD FLOODS”), relaxing in his Stamford, CT estate (“IN MAHOGANY LIBRARY PLAYING TWISTER WITH PLUMP LESBIAN, STEPH AND MY NEW PYGMY BUTLER. WEARING SMOKING JACKET, NOTHING ELSE. FUCK YOU”), celebrating his 66th birthday (“GOT A LITTLE COMMOTION HERE. STRANGER WITH MILD CHUBBY CLEFT CHIN AT RESTAURANT DOOR INSISTING HE’S MY SON. NICE TRY, PAL. FUCK YOU”), contending with the pressures of the job (“MAKING POST #RAW PLANS, WELL DEFINED JIMINY CRICKET CREATURE ON SHOULDER PLEADING WITH ME TO NOT STRANGLE ANOTHER WHORE IN MY TV HOTEL ROOM”) or interacting with his adoring followers (“CONGRATS, YOU’RE AN IRRELEVANT KNOW-IT-ALL. ENJOY WORKING AT K-MART- SPONSOR OF WWE. FUCK YOU”), introspection is not his strong suit. Again, possibly not a stretch, but perhaps the funniest thing the Twitter medium has to offer.