When Blazers mouthpiece Brian Wheeler calls Brandon Roy (above), “The Natural”, the Tribune’s Kerry Eggers frowns. “The problem is, the nickname™s not exactly original. Sport™s ‘Naturals’ already have included the likes of Robert Redford, Randy Couture, Jeff Francouer “ and I™m probably missing somebody.” Hey, if Ric Flair wants to put Kerry in the figure four, that’s totally his call.  But Eggers is thinking oh-so-clearly in bemoaning the scourge of “this first-initial, last name thing” (“anything but B-Roy, D-Wade, T-Law, T-Mac, J-Kidd and C-Webb…we need to erradicate it like smallpox.”)

Greg Anderson was allegedly called œCadillac because he rode his bicycle to and from campus at the University of Houston. Wouldn™t œSchwinn have been more appropriate?

I like John œHondo Havlicek, Cedric œCornbread Maxwell, Dennis œWorm Rodman, Robert œChief Parish and œDr. J (Julius Erving) and œThe Big O, Oscar Robertson. You gotta love Sam œBig Smooth Perkins and Lionel œL-Train Hollins (and Simmons) and the two John Williams “ œHot Rod and œHot Plate.

There™s a dearth of good ones in the big leagues these days, though. Most of them have to do with size (Big Unit, Big Papi, Big Hurt). I™m OK with K-Rod, given the play off A-Rod and Francisco Rodriguez™s strikeout capacity.

Today™s NBA?

œHalf Man, Half Amazing for a younger Vince Carter was inventive. And œThe Chosen One for LeBron James, whom some people are now calling œLBJ “ not bad.

But K.G.? G.O.? L.A.? Please.

Can™t we do better than that?

Yeah, well, I’d like to think so, too.