(“did someone order ‘extra large’?”)

Between Scott Raab and Jay Levin, it’s beautiful see how a mainstream media outlet like Esquire has learned to compete with blogs —- tons of profanity! But seriously, what’s up with an Esquire contributor blasting someone for looking like a male porn star? Isn’t that the goal of the average men’s magazine reader?

For anyone other than the old Boston diehards and the enormous Frontrunner Diaspora, the Sox are definitely not a likeable bunch. At all.

First you™ve got Dice-K, $103 million dollars later, getting out-dueled for the time-honored title of 40th-best-ERA-in-the-AL — but hey, that™s a tough gig, going head-to-head with Jarrod Washburn like that. Over-hyped, overpaid and staring blankly into space — yeah, the fans love that kind of thing.

Like you said, Schill is a Hall of Fame blowhard, first-ballot all the way. And Youk doesn™t look like a prison guard, he looks like the pizza guy in a gay porn flick (or so I™m told). Crisp is a hack and so™s Lugo — and I really mean it this time — and Ellsbury™s just another Dave Roberts, only too young to shave.

Manny™s all-talent-no-brains-no-class shtick is the most tired act in sports — once he casually tells a reporter that Schilling kind of sucks, he™ll be indistinguishable from T.O. As for Tavarez, my best guess is he™s only on the roster to keep Manny from roaming the streets, indiscriminately asking strangers for weed.

Papelbon is just a jackass. And I hate to break it to you, but most anyone who isn™t a Sox fan wants to knock all the teeth right out of Pedroia™s smug little mouth. I™m not saying he deserves it, I™m just saying he evokes it.