“I have been called ‘Faggot,'” writes Donnie Davies on the website of “Love God’s Way Ministries.” While there are other, more accurate names for the guy behind a program called “C.H.O.P.S.” — it stands for “Changing Homosexuals into Ordinary People (Letter S)” — what he means is that he’s what’s known as an “ex-gay.” Maybe.

Or maybe he’s as devastating a satirist as there is on the internet. His mustache leaves the question up in the air, his exhortation to those who want to get down with his program to come on along and “C.H.O.P.S. away the Gay” tilts things more towards the satire side of things. And his list of rock bands that “will make you gay” kind of seals it. He’s obviously joking. Except probably not, because he also recorded a song called “God Hates Fags,” which was pulled off MySpace. (YouTube clip : here) But then again, he probably is, because he sets off a blog entry by saying “I hope you will take my thoughts on the overweight and Jesus Love to heart.” So either he is or he isn’t. Anyway, here is a sampling of his voluminous list of artists that will cause you to become homosexual:

  • Scissor Sisters
  • Rufus Wainwright
  • Merzbau
  • Ravi Shankar
  • Wilco
  • Bjork
  • Tech N9ne
  • Ghostface Killah
  • Bobby Conn
  • Morton Subotnik
  • Cole Porter
  • The String Cheese Incident
  • Eagles of Death Metal
  • Polyphonic Spree
  • The Faint
  • Interpol
  • Kansas
  • Velvet Underground
  • Lou Reed
  • Lil’ Wayne
  • Hinder
  • Bob Mould
  • Clay Aiken
  • Arcade Fire
  • Bright Eyes
  • Audioslave

Hinder! There are, of course, many more, some of which come with parenthetical commentary afterwards — “Ted Nugent (loincloth),” for instance, or “Marilyn Manson (dark gay)” — and a few of which seem to feature male celebrities (30 Seconds to Mars, Dogstar). Also, Elton John is on the list twice, and Motorhead is on it once. Also worth mentioning is the lost Davies brother’s list of safe bands. Tucked in among the D.C. Talk’s and Jars of Clay are, of course, Danielson (nee Familie) and the Dresden Dolls.