Now that the NFL has banned touchdown celebrations that feature dunking over the goalposts, when might Roger Goodell take action against players breaking the NBA’s dress code? While you’re considering whether any editor on the planet would’ve allowed me to get away with that one, SBN’s Spencer Hall declares, “calling the NFL ‘They’ at this point seems wrong.” (“Let’s call the NFL an “it,” an impersonal, monstrous thing that stands somewhere categorically weird: part full-time law firm, part branding consortium, part etiquette council, and part massively gifted real estate scam.”)

Sometimes they play the distraction of football, and now you understand why you can’t dunk a ball over the goalpost anymore. When you become something so inhuman as what the NFL is at its godlike size, the slightest trace of human excitement registers as an error, and must be eliminated immediately. In the end, Dr. Manhattan became so powerful he didn’t need Earth anymore. When the godlike corporation of the NFL figures out a way to eliminate humans entirely from their equation, it won’t either.