Biz Markie was 100% right when he said to steer clear of girls who have “a friend”, but he would’ve offered equally sage advice had he told his loyal fans to beware of girls who just want to be a friend.

And at the end of the day, which is a greater sign of desperation, an aging music industry vet collecting “friends” via a trendy social networking website, or howls of protest from someone at not being included?

shouldn’t gerard be holed up in a room somewhere, penning his sports blog and searching for the next great band like the arsonists or prosaics (actually, scratch that last one)? this is why the internet is sort of lost on his age demo, and why he should probably confer with one of his fellow myspacers, preferably a 15 year old with a fuse haircut in a child size t-shirt– because the internet is about showing how many friends you have, not what quality-over-quantity friends you have, because nobody gives a shit.

Yes, nobody gives a shit. Unless you’re eager to make a name for yourself, in which case this is kind of like winning the lottery (albiet the $10 prize, not the rollover). SB, had your friend actually been a 15 year old with a fuse haircut and a child size t-shirt, we’d not be having this discussion. And that’s really the most constructive advice I can give to those eager hopefuls trying to get past the virtual velvet rope that is my friends list at myspace. Come back when you’re a 15 year old with a fuse haircut in a child size t-shirt.

(the Biz registers his disapproval at the treatment of your correspondent, along with disappointment at the way his best-known song has been appropriated).