Felled by an irregular heartbeart, Pittsburgh C Mario Lemieux is expected announce his retirement later today.

A 6 time winner of the Art Ross Trophy as regular season scoring champ (as opposed to the Diana Ross Trophy, awarded to the NHL player who inspires the most wilding in Central Park) , 3 time regular season MVP and two-time Stanley Cup Playoffs MVP, Lemieux is expected to resume full-time duties as Penguins owner/Sidney Crosby’s landlord.

Lemieux’s farewell press conference will be held this afternoon, followed by Eric Kuselias asking Barry Melrose, yet again, to explain who was better, Mario or Gretzky.