I don’t suppose I’m usually inclined to venture into “itsasecretsohush” type territory, but the credibility of this “Tales from the Strip Club” blog (MySpace membership required) has been vouched for to my satisfaction (ethnic confusion aside):

A few weeks ago on a busy Saturday night, there was an African-American male patron sitting at a table on the main floor in front of the stage. He reminded me of Milli Vanilli with his long beaded cornrows. I think I even asked Billy to play “Girl you Know it’s True” so I could sit upstairs and giggle. So Milli Vanilli is accompanied by his posse of five other dudes wearing saggy pants and baseball caps turned backwards.

“Hi!” Autumn says. “Do you want some boobs in your face” She’s clear, concise and to the point. Especially when it’s somewhat busy.

“Don’t you know who I am?” Milli Vanilli says slowly, firmly, and a little bit pissed off.

“Uh¦No. Don’t you know who I am?” Autumn repeats back.

“I’m a baseball player.” Milli Vanilli says. “For the Red Sox. And I don’t buy dances.”

“Oh, well I’m a football fan. Do you play football?” She countered back defiantly.

“No. I told you . I play for the Red Sox and we’re gonna win the World Series.” Milli Vanilli said getting even more annoyed that no one gave a crap who he was.

“Well, I’m a Vikings fan. I don’t follow the White Sox.” She said.

“The Red Sox!”

“Oops sorry! Wrong color sock! I don’t wear socks! Tee hee! Bye!!” Autumn said as she walked away.

A few minutes later Autumn and I regrouped at the bar. We each canvass half the club and report back to each other on regular intervals about who’s buying what, who’s a VIP candidate, who’s a friggin moron. Milli Vanilli fell into the last category.

I laugh and start to plan my approach to Milli Vanilli. I love to fuck with people who have an ego that is way to big for themselves.

“Hi. Do you need a girl on your lap?” I ask Milli Vanilli.

“Don’t you know who I am?” He says emphatically.

I stepped back. Eyeballed him up and down, and started shaking my head. “Uh huh. I used to watch your videos on MTV! But when I went to your concert, the recording got stuck and you got caught lip synching.”

I saw Milli Vanilli on TV last night. He really does play for the Red Sox. He really did make it to the World Series. He didn’t get any dances from Autumn or Avalon though.