Sammy “Don’t Call Me Mercury” Morris just dove into the Patriots end zone for his first TD of the year, followed by a Marty Booker catch for a 2 point conversion ; the Dolphins are comfortably ahead of New England, 21-0, with less than 5 minutes left in the 4th quarter. Booker’s having a huge day (8 catches, 103 yards, 1 TD) while Tom Brady has been sacked 4 times. Even worse, since Michael Lewis’ “The Blind Side” came out, Nick Saban’s charming ways with America’s suburban housewives have become such common knowledge, the Hooded Casanova really can’t compete on even footing.

Despite 3 fumbles and watching Drew Carter tear up the NY secondary, the Giants are about to put the Panthers away, holding a 27-10 advantage with 7:50 remaining. Eli Manning has hooked up with 3 different targets for TD’s (Shockey, Burress, David Tyree), while Tiki Barber has scampered for 112 yards on 20 carries. Carolina’s Chris Weinke’s been intercepted 3 times, and is unlikely to receive any props when and if the sequal to “Junebug” hits theatres.

The shittiest thing about sibling rivalries is the senseless competition. Just because Eli lost 4 games in a row prior to today is no reason for Peyton’s Colts to drop their 3rd out of their past 4 with today’s capitulation to Jacksonville. While David Garrard’s only completed 8 passes on the day, the Jags have run for well over 300 yards, 166 by Maurice Jones-Drew and 131 from Steady Freddy Taylor (above). I don’t wanna add insult to injury to Indy’s banged up D, so I will neither confirm nor deny the rumor they’ve invited the Liquored Up Idiot Kicker to audition for their defensive line.

Sunday’s “Stop Whatever You’re Doing And Turn On The TV” Game : Titans/Texans, tied at 20, 1:54 left, and Vince Young trying to lead Tennessee down the field.

(UPDATE : Titans 26, Texans 20 in OT. Vince Young’s 39 yard TD sprint was the final play of the game, and a fantastic conclusion in front of his hometown family and pals. How did Bob McNair and Gary Kubiak score on the Wonderlic? )

Note to Crunch’s Understudy : learn to fucking count.

Your 2006 Baltimore Ravens : winners today over the Chiefs, tied for the 2nd best record in the AFC (10-3), the best club in the NFL to have recently fired Jim Fassell…and they’re tight with Omar.