Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once huffed, “I can’t define pornography, but I know it when I see it”.

Some 44 years later, Dr. Jennifer Schneider (above) has a different problem. She would seem to be very conversant with the topic of internet porn, yet tells the Village Voice’s Bonnie Ruberg that she’s never, y’know, indulged.

Q: Have you ever done first-hand research into cybersex”as in, have you ever had cybersex yourself or observed anyone having it?

A: I™ve done surveys and talked to patients. It™s not like I™m just doing this because I™ve heard someone say whatever. As to whether I™ve gone online myself, I haven™t, specifically because these days even if you don™t go online you are totally deluged with email. For example, if somehow you get on this or that person™s list and then they sell the list to everybody else. Every day I probably get thirty emails about œenlarge your penis. So even without getting on any porn websites, I know what they™re like. All you have to do is just go once on a porn site and immediately your address gets spread out. I just really don™t need that in my life. So the answer is, no I haven™t.

I hate to challenge Dr. Schneider’s credibility, but this just seems unfair. If Steve Earle had to do drugs for years just to get a shot at counseling Bubbles, the least the good doctor can do is engage in a limited amount of one-handed surfing.  Purely for research purposes, of course.

On an unrelated tip, how many of these do you think HBO is selling?