The always helpful Joel Sherman of the NY Post lends a helping hand to Boston’s newly aquired David Wells (above) and the southpaw’s revisionist sense of history.
David Wells opened his mouth Thursday and reporters were there, always a bad combination for the lefty. By the time he was done speaking as a Red Sox, Wells had made it obvious he yearns to be a Yankee and, as usual, he has as good a grip on reality as ever. Which is to say none. Unfortunately for Boomer, his ERA could never be as low as his IQ.
Wells said he offered up his services to the Yankees and sounded stunned they didn’t want him back. Perhaps all that beer he brags about consuming has begun to wipe away his memory ” or conscience. So as a reminder, Dave, these were your last two acts as a Yankee employee:
1. Pulling out of Game 5 of the 2003 World Series after one inning with a bad back, a day after bragging you did not have to work out like Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte.
2. Reneging on a handshake deal to return to the Yankees to sign for more money with the Padres.
Those acts cost the Yankees probably one and possibly two World Series titles, so, Dave, you cannot be exactly shocked if the folks at Legends Fields do not have open arms for you.
You also told reporters Thursday that Brian Cashman informed you the team wanted to inject youth into the rotation then added Randy Johnson. Besides skirting the issue that in the same timeframe they had to decide upon you, the Yanks did sign two 29-year-old free agents (Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright), you kind of miss the point on Johnson, as well. He is slightly better than you, Dave, in case you didn’t notice.
And, Dave, I just love how you parsed Alex Rodriguez’s words, faulting him for saying, ” ‘we’ in his [Yankee] introductory press conference, like he’s won three or four rings, when he hasn’t. And that kind of disturbed me because I would never put myself in a situation [like that].”
No, Dave, you always have been very careful with your words. Like that time when you got two teeth knocked out by a guy 9 inches smaller than you at 4 a.m. in an Upper East Side diner. You memorably called 911 and slurred to them, “I just got offended” then described your assailant as “a [bleeping] Italian, little squatty-body [bleep].” Man, you were always class around here, Dave. And by the way, you only have one World Series ring as a Yankee yourself, not three or four.
Those baffled by Boomer’s choice of a “White Boy” cap are clearly unaware that Wells is a big fan of the duo of Mr. Ott and Jake Whip. their “I Could Puke” 45 being a pregame favorite of the hefty lefty.