Sam Rubenstein of Slam Online found Game One of the NBA Finals so drab, he admits to flipping to the ChiSox/Yankee clash at one point. Fortunately for us, he hung in there long enough to come up with the following description of Donyell Marshall (“Used to look like Ludacris and that™s cool because he is a successful rapper and actor that attracts ladies and money but now he looks like Bubbles from The Wire who is a homeless on-and-off junkie.”), as well as the following observation regarding ABC’s halftime profile of Spurs coach Greg Popovich and Tim Duncan.

It was a well-done and enlightening perspective on the beautiful relationship between two grown men. It also reminded me of a video I once saw about David Koresh and the Branch Davidians. Wow, the San Antonio Spurs sure are tight family for people that are not blood-related. Maybe it™s because the father figure™s name happens to be Pop, so you have grown men referring to some random authority like he is their daddy. I guess that™s how you win championships and stay so grounded and solid in an NBA landscape of chaos. Can we fly a satellite with infared over their practice facility and find out how many guns they have? Robert Horry, put the kool aid down.

I hate to nitpick, but the kool aid reference would be more appropriate were Pop being compared to the Rev. Jim Jones. And coincidently, the bar I was at last night was playing John Milus’ “Red Dawn” after the Spurs wrapped up their victory. Man, that Powers Boothe sure can act.

The New York Post’s Peter Vescey
is rare form today, the below being just a small sample of what might be his best column since, well, the last one.

Bob Barker taped his final “Price is Right” show earlier this week. At 83, Barker said he figured it was time to leave when he could no longer beat Eddy Curry and Dick Bavetta up the floor.

Tomorrow’s Belmont Stakes finds one female trying to outrun six males. Lawyers representing Madison Square Garden said the filly was asking for it, reports column castigator Frank Drucker.

Rumors persist that Nicole Richie is pregnant. If true, it would be the first-time the newborn weighed more than the mother.

In an unrelated matter, Shawn Kemp demanded creative control before he allowed his good name to be associated with “Knocked Up.”