Bud Light : I’ve already forgotten the one with Cedric The Entertainer,but I’m presuming it involved beer theft or leering at ladies or both. The spot featuring the pilot jumping out of the plane after the 6-pack was tossed, however, was great stuff, exactly the sort of family entertainment this year’s Super Bowl was all about. What could be funnier than a couple of sky-divers + beer obsessed pilot plummeting to their deaths? Grade : C+
Diet Pepsi : Self-parody or not, any attempt to portray Sean Combs as a trend-setter is about 8 years too late. Grade : D-
“The Pacifier” : I think it is a little early in Vin Diesel’s career trajectory for the mainstream comedy crossover. Much funnier than this ad (or the film itself) would be watching Dice Clay’s reaction to it. Grade : D
Ameriquest : Hands-free cellphone yapper suffers massive beatdown at the hands of convenience store owners. A scenario we can all relate to and easily the best advertisement out of a very poor lot. Grade : B
Fed Ex : Incredibly, an ad featuring Burt Reynolds being kicked in the groin by a dancing bear is not very good. Grade : C
Quiznos : Aren’t these spots somewhat reminiscent of CBS’ short-lived “Baby Bob”? Which is to say, aren’t they creepy, repulsive and dumber than Michael Irvin? Grade : D
Anheiser Busch : What’s the deal with everyone in the train station giving a standing ovation to a big gang of men & women on their way to a paintball game? From the same pandering motherfuckers who brought you the monumentally offensive Clydesdales-genuflecting-in-the-shadow-of-Ground-Zero ad. Grade : F.
“The Longest Yard” : On the bright side, unlike the excruciating UK remake (retitled “The Mean Machine”), this one will not feature the dubious acting skills of Vinnie Jones. On the other hand, if its a choice between Chris Rock and Vinnie Jones, I’m gonna take the ex-Wimbledon thug every time. Grade : C+