Though we’ll have to wait another week for ESPN poker analyst / Washington Post columnist Norman Chad to weigh in on the DraftKings/Fanduel insider-trading scandal, The Couch Slouch delivered big time this past weekend in denouncing the dirty deeds of Denver’s Von Miller. The Broncos LB’s “post-tackle groove,” writes Chad, “has morphed from performance art to pornographic act.”
It’s not a sack dance; it’s a hump dance. It involves a pelvic thrust, and when he has finished the frolic, I feel like I’ve just watched “Last Tango in Paris,” minus the butter.
Heck, the next time the Broncos play, it might be the first NFL game rated NC-17.
Am I saying Miller’s erotic sway is sexually suggestive? Madonna on stage in a garter belt singing “Burning Up” is sexually suggestive. Miller’s sack dance is beyond sexually suggestive — he appears to be having unprotected intercourse at midfield, which, back in the day, would draw a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. The league once fined Randy Moss $10,000 for pretending to moon the crowd at a Vikings-Packers game. Uh, if it’s 10 grand to pretend to drop your pants, how is it not 15 grand to pretend to drop your pants and copulate?