Only one of the 3 items below from the Guardian’s Barry Glendenning and Paul Doyle bears any relation to any actual news story. OK, it’s no. 3. But bonus points for name dropping Oxide & Neutrino (above).

1) Having been signed by small English record label South Paw, recently-sacked Queens Park Rangers manager John Gregory will spend November in the studio recording an album of his own compositions, before going on the road to promote it at a string of “low key” gigs around the United Kingdom. “John is an excellent singer-songwriter,” enthused Alan Reynolds, head of A&R at South Paw. “The album’s working title is Umbra, which is the word used to describe the darkest part of a shadow. John says that most of his best songs come from a dark place.”

2) Former Leeds and Aston Villa manager David O’Leary has been confirmed for the next series of reality TV show I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here. According to a press release issued by ITV, the former Leeds and Aston Villa manager “will join some of the world’s most pampered celebs as they set up camp out in the Australian outback and succumb to the humiliation of the infamous Bush Tucker Trial, under the watchful eye of Ant and Dec.” Police Academy loon Bobcat Goldthwait, comedian Lennie Bennett, Diff’rent Strokes star Gary Coleman, lad mag lovely Gemma Atkinson, actor June Whitfield, consumer champion Nicky Campbell, the Cheeky Girls and Neutrino, of Oxide and Neutrino fame, have also been booked to join O’Leary Down Under.

3) Bolton want to install Leicester City manager Gary Megson as their new manager. A long-ball merchant whose preferred style of play makes that practised by former Trotters boss Sam Allardyce look like poetry in motion, Megson has won just 184 matches out of 490 as a manager and is renowned for his inability to get on with his players. “Following widespread speculation in the media regarding Bolton Wanderers’ interest in our manager Gary Megson, I can confirm the Premier League club approached us early yesterday morning seeking official permission to speak to Gary. That approach has been completely rejected,” said Leicester chairman Milan Mandaric.