(master of modern chemistry.  On the left, Joe Perry)

Via agent Randy Hendrick, here’s a statement from Roger Clemens that I’m fairly certain was ghostwritten by Rafael Palmiero.

œI want to state clearly and without qualification: I did not take steroids, human growth hormone or any other banned substances at any time in my baseball career or, in fact, my entire life. Those substances represent a dangerous and destructive shortcut no athlete should ever take.

œI am disappointed that my 25 years in public life have apparently not earned me the benefit of the doubt, but I understand Senator Mitchell™s report has raised many serious questions. I plan to publicly answer all of those questions at the appropriate time in the appropriate way. I only ask that in the meantime people not rush to judgment.

The funny thing is, if Clemens just said “I was only trying to make Dan Duquette look stupid”, he’d win no small amount of public empathy.