Along with making the unconvincing promise that the Sultan Of Surly will be properly feted “if and when he breaks Hank Aaron’s record,”, Commissioner Of Baseball Bud Selig announced his intention to step down when his contract expires in 2009.
Selig deserves considerable credit for having presided over some of the game’s most cherished moments (introduction of the Devils Rays, a cancelled World Series, a tied All-Star Game, the advent of MLBlogs, etc.) and while we’ll wish him a fond farewell, it’s time to review the most qualified candidates for the vacancy-to-be :
1) Bush.
No, not that one. Rather, faux-Cobain Gavin Rossdale. His generic music is already a staple in ballparks across this great land, and he’s practically pop culture royalty thanks to his storybook marriage. I’m not aware of his having any background in the game, but that didn’t stop General William Eckert from having a successful tenure.
2) Paul Giamatti.
He’s got the bloodline for the gig, and after “The Lady In The Water”, he’s probably shot his wad as a leading man.
3) Chris Russo.
Not would the Office Of The Commish no longer exist to serve the whims of the owners instead of the fans, but the new All-Time HR King, Barry Bonds, would finally have his achievements recognized by someone who truly values his contributions to the sport.
4) Kevin Mitchell
Mitch’s appetite for the game (and everything else) isn’t nearly exhausted, and I think it’s a pretty safe bet he’ll be free in 2009.
5) Phil Mushnick
Who amongst us isn’t looking forward to a World Series with all the games starting at 11am, Eastern Standard Time?
Whoever it is that replaces Selig I just hope he has a name as colorfully evocative as Bud. So personal, so unique, so used car salesman.
can’t you just picture bud standing outside the showroom, smoking a winston? he’d be wearing some cheap suit from men’s warehouse talking to to the other sadsacks about the new receptionists ass or about how the brewers could have won it all in ’82 if rollie fingers hadn’t got hurt.
ignorance is bliss. you should do your research before you comment on things you don’t know.
sorry, what “research” is required in order for me to submit my own personal choices for the next Commish? Or does Bud intend to live forever and you’re the only person who took the time to find out?