If you recently heard about the web site “Berman Exposed,” and thought to yourself, “it’s about time there was a comprehensive Silver Jews fan site!,” well, you weren’t that far off the mark.
Along with the announcement he’s retiring from music (to say the band is splitting up seems semantically imprecise), David Berman (above) now resignedly reveals himself to be the spawn of Richard, the “Center For Consumer Freedom” corporate lobbyist who fights the good fight against such things as MADD, the Humane Society, ACORN and LOLCats. How has this guy not been hired by the BCS?
Now that the Joos are over I can tell you my gravest secret. Worse than suicide, worse than crack addiction:
My father.
You might be surprised to know he is famous, for terrible reasons.
My father is a despicable man. My father is a sort of human molestor.
An exploiter. A scoundrel. A world historical motherfucking son of a bitch. (sorry grandma)
You can read about him here.
My life is so wierd. It’s allegorical to the nth. My father went to college at Transylvania University.
You see what I’m saying.
A couple of years ago I demanded he stop his work. Close down his company or I would sever our relationship.
He refused. He has just gotten worse. More evil. More powerful. We’ve been “estranged” for over three years.
Even as a child I disliked him. We were opposites. I wanted to read. He wanted to play games.
He is a union buster.
When I got out of college I joined the Teamsters (the guards were union organized at the Whitney).
I went off to hide in art and academia.
I fled through this art portal for twenty years. In the mean time my Dad started a very very bad
company called Berman and Company.
He props up fast food/soda/factory farming/childhood obesity and diabetes/drunk driving/secondhand smoke.
He attacks animal lovers, ecologists, civil action attorneys, scientists, dieticians, doctors, teachers.
His clients include everyone from the makers of Agent Orange to the Tanning Salon Owners of America.
He helped ensure the minimum wage did not move a penny from 1997-2007!
The worst part for me as a writer is what he does with the english language.
Though vicious he is a doltish thinker
and his spurious editorials rely on doublethink and always with the Lashon Hara.
As I studied Judaism over the years, the shame and the shanda,
grew almost too much. my heart was constantly on fire for justice. I could find no relief.
This winter I decided that the SJs were too small of a force to ever come close to
undoing a millionth of all the harm he has caused. To you and everyone you know.
Literally, if you eat food or have a job, he is reaching you.
I’ve always hid this terrible shame from you, the fan. The SJs have always stood autonomous and clear.
Hopefully it won’t contaminate your feelings about the work.
My life has been riddled with Ibsenism. In a way I am the son of a demon come to make good the damage.
Previously I thought, through songs and poems and drawings I could find and build a refuge away from his world.
But there is the matter of Justice.
And i’ll tell you it’s not just a metaphor. The desire for it actually burns.
It hurts.
There needs to be something more. I’ll see what that might be.
DCB
if you want to know what evil Herr Attackdog is currently up to look here
In all seriousness… David Berman needs a book deal. Ibsenesque, for sure, but also “No Logo” meets “Running With Scissors.”
do you thinks pops berman is as cool as aaron eckhart in thank for you smoking? bet he is.
I love how this comes out AFTER his dad bought all the band’s gear.
Since when did the Joos have gear?
but but but how could his dad be rich? dcb always had that starving artist thing. i’m absolutely shocked.
ps weren’t berman, nastanovich and malkmus all guards at the whit at the same time? how easy would it have been to just rob the place blind one night when they were in charge of security?
Am I wrong for hoping that the “BermanExposed” site would be a site that criticizes Len Berman ala firejoemorgan.com?