Introducing Chelsea’s new manager —- he couldn’t possibly have any other pending obligations.

In somewhat more sensational news, former Liverpool forward Djibril Cissé is reportedly being blackmailed by burglars who absconded with a DVD containing “very intimate and private personal images”. Thankfully, there’s not a Parisian office of The Not yet, anyway.

Sincere congrats to the staff and players of the Round Rock Austin Aztex U-23 side, who last night managed a 2-2 draw against the USL First Division’s Atlanta Silverbacks prior to losing on penalty kicks, 5-4. Said encounter marked Austin’s first ever crack at the U.S. Open Cup, a knockout competition that has a bit in common with England’s F.A. Cup. For instance, Manchester United aren’t too bothered about either tournament….and, well,  that’s it. I guess there’s really not that much in common after all.