(Pats head coach Bill Belichick, shown making secret gestures to bought & paid for cronies in the Foxboro press box)

The traditionally secretive Hooded Casanova has offered little to the Fourth Estate on the subject of New England’s negotiations with Tom Brady over a contract extension, a situation the Boston Globe’s Dan Shaughnessy decries as typical of a franchise “where speculation meets stupid, where secrecy and self-importance conflict with truth and information.”

If the Patriots were the Jets, we™d all sit back and wait for the next episode of œHard Knocks™™ and laugh at behind-the-scenes video of players and coaches swearing and eating and joking about superstar contracts and player holdouts.

But the Patriots are not the Jets. The Patriots are the Nixon White House of sports. They see demons everywhere. They bash dissent, deny the obvious, and rely on a silent majority of loyalists (including some credentialed media) to pledge allegiance.

The Patriots have a Kremlinesque video camera trained on the assembled media during Bill Belichick™s press conferences. (Think they™d send me a highlight tape of myself eating cookies and asking keen questions over the last 10 years?) I™ve always wondered whether there is some in-house lackey responsible for logging the tapes and identifying enemies.

It’s the second of the above italicized paragraphs that Boston Sports Media’s Bruce Allen takes great exception, in effect demanding the oft-ridiculed Shaughnessy reveal exactly who Belichick’s boot lickers are.

Name the credentialed media. Call them out by name. Do it publicly. Don™t send an email or make a phone call. Just name them.

I mean, this is a serious offense, is it not? These so-called objective media members, who have pledged allegiance to the evil empire that is the New England Patriots and their emperor, Bill Belichick, need to be identified.

I like how Dan is implying his own bravery here as well by mentioning the œsilent majority of loylists “ the implication being that there are only a few brave souls “ including himself “ who dare speak against the evil being committed down in Foxborough.