Thanks to WFMU’s Beware Of The Blog for alerting us to the latest update from Born Again, ex-Korn rifffmeister Brian “Head” Welch.

Interviewer: Brian , few weeks ago, you felt so desperate that you wanted to die. You even asked God to end your life. What was God’s answer to your cry for help ?

Brian: Mathew 11:28 and to me it’s god saying, “come tell me and seek me with all your heart and i will take away all of your pain inside and will never judge you because i love you and all I want is for you to come to me with everything in life first.” i’m also getting another tatoo on the other side of my neck called mathew 6:19 which is also my birth date. that verse basically says don’t store your treasures on earth and don’t worship money or fame like it’s god. so with that said, i’m funding my life story to glorify god and i will put it out somewhere in the near future. and again i will not keep any of the profit. i’m gonna be like the osbournes but it’s focusing on me and god and how much of a sense of humor i have with him but also how much i obey him. for example, THE JESUS TATOO ON MY HAND KEEPS ME FROM MASTERBATING AND I HAVEN’T BEEN WITH A WOMAN SINCE MY EX WIFE LEFT ME ALMOST 5 YEARS AGO. I go to those extremes to be like christ and it works for me. I’m moving my own camra crew in my house on monday. my goal is to glorify god and show the world how much fun this life is. So I invite everyone in the world to get some popcorn and sit back and watch how he uses me to glorify himself. god rules and believe me, everything I say to you, 50 cent, or whoever it is, i’m also saying it to myself probably even more! i never said I was perfect and I fall everyday like every man, paster, preacher, woman, child, whoever, we’re all human.

I hate to take issue with Welch’s methods. I mean, if the tattoo of Jesus is a deterrent to onanism, that’s great. But for some members of the public, Jesus is, well, kinda hot. But given that you might have trouble finding a tattoo artist who could do an accurate Ruth Buzzi or Esther Rolle, I sympathize.