It has been called to my attention by CSTB’s parent company, Cumbucket Media, that not only does some news of a sporty nature occur Monday thru Friday, but there’s also considerable evidence to suggest that web traffic is at its highest during weekday business hours.
Armed with these facts, and taking into account the needs of our advertisers (mostly gambling sites and other members of Cumbucket Media’s psuedo-blog family), I’ve decided to make the radical step of publishing new CSTB entries at times other than the weekend. I realize this is a daring move, one no other sports site has attempted, but I pledge that the very same high standards you’ve come to expect between 4 and 5am on a Saturday, will be maintained the rest of the time.
That is, presuming I am successful in finding a weekday editor. I’ve been trying ever so hard to find a person capable of mimicking the look and tone of Sports Frog, minus any sort of interesting point of view. Trusted advisors tell me there’s one such individual based in New York immensely qualified for the position, but his ethical lapses are so numerous to mention, it would be like nominating Wally Backman for Pope.
So for the time being, at least, I’ll hold down double duty — weekdays and weekends. No one means more to me than you, the readership (with the possible exception of Cumbucket Media, who are, after all, responsible for the content of this site).
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing in response to your assumed request for Cumbucket Media interns. I am a former student of the New England Tractor Trailer Training School; I was forced to withdraw due to financial constraints. Currently, I am employed by LaborReady – I have been working part-time on the remediation of the recently closed Krispy Kreme shops located in the tri-state area of the northeastern US. I am also a big Liz Phair fan, and have been passively stalking her for the past three years. She’s hot.
I also know how to use a copier, alt-tab between Windows applications, and possess the sort of androgynous sass and wit that would endear me to any and all co-workers. Please let me know if you would like to set up an interview with me. I feel that I could be a great asset and resource to help Cumbucket Media achieve total market saturation & ubiquity. Thanks in advance.
Dear Young Hopeful,
we’re all about the Androgynous Sass at Cumbucket Media. Though the applications have been flooding in this morning, you’re certainly a frontrunner for the job.
New England Tractor Trailer Training School
the above is (was?) located in my hometown. in high school during snow storms we’d drive to the nettts parking lot that ran along the side of rte. 93 to drive really fast then pull the e-brake on our cars while cutting the wheel. it would send us spinning around and around. i can almost taste the kahlua.
oh, and i nominate ben schwartz for editor of
the high school yearbookCSTB. unless the job pays well in which case i’m much better suited for it. or even if it just pays, the gonerboard is now blocked from this job making it a much less attractive situation.Is this post a joke? It’s gotta be, right? It’s not like this blog isn’t obsessively updated every 15 minutes by some eunuch with no apparent purpose in life (I mean, the music thing didn’t really pan out).
thanks, Rog. Indeed, if I had your unique skill set, I might actually have a job in the music business of some prominence. As such, I’ll have to settle for my lowly role at a fledgling little label that hasn’t really panned out.
And what greater purpose in life could one have than posting on bulletin boards all day long under a series of poorly chosen psuedonyms?
Posting on bulletin boards all day long?!? You must be thinking of the kids on Disarm the Settlers because it sure ain’t me. I’ve either quit or been banned from every board there is, pal. It always amazes me how someone who spends waaaay to much time on the internet (*cough* Joseph Larkin *cough*) is so quick to try and point out that people who criticize them, um, spend too much time on the internet, even when it’s false. Oh, and you misspelled ‘pseudonym.’
Rog,
You’ve been banned from bulletin boards? No fucking way. I can’t imagine how that happened.
re : Joseph Larkin, Matthew P. Sorry, this must be some sort of Fake Matador Bulletin Board reference I’m not getting.
I should point out that there’s some difference between a eunuch and a responsible person
who has undergone a vasectomy.
Not much difference, perhaps, but even those of us with no purpose in life can do our share to stem the population explosion.
Why do I picture you sitting in a garden with the ageing Don Corleone and him advising you “whoever comes to you about this weekday editor thing is the Belle & Sebastian album leaker.”?
I’m sorry – I can’t find cumbucket media on myspace. I need to send them my demo tape.