GC made some astute on-the-fly points about the just-concluded Roger Clemens hearings, but perhaps I could interest you in some not terribly astute, much more on-the-fly commentary? Because I can do that.

I was not just watching the House performances of Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee — I, uh, work from home — but also participating in a running gmail-based chat with frequent CSTB article contributor Brendan Flynn during the proceedings. Highlights (or self-indulgent lowlights, depending on your perspective) from that chat appear in slightly edited form. While you all — both editor and readers — have been willing to humor some of my more digressive moments in the past, the value of reading other people’s chats is dubious. I promise not to get on some LiveJournal shit in the future, but read below if you want to see me getting on just that particular shit in the recent past.

brendan: Dan Burton is on the full attack of McNamee: “Clemens is a titan of baseball. How can we believe you when you’ve lied and lied and lied. How can clemens ever get his name back”
me: My god, how?
brendan: Tom Davis defending him too. why is this partisan?
brendan: do republicans really think that standing up for Clemens (baseball? myth?) is something americans give a shit about?
me: I don’t know. I just think Republicans see a millionaire in distress, and act.
me: Is it weird that I was somehow impressed with the Republican Mark Souder from Indiana? I’m sure his other politics are abhorrent, but he does seem to be on the right track about the owners, and the need to investigate their role in all this.
brendan: Congress’ perspective its rather immaterial whether or not Roger took roids, but what matters is a cover up or fraud that would endanger their anti-trust exemption
me: I’m just glad that Souder mentioned the owners. Surprising to me that a Republican would do that.
brendan: me too. i agree he was extremely impressive
me: Eleanor Holmes Norton, ladies and gentlemen!
me: She is the greatest. I just wish she was a real congressperson.
brendan: instead of a shadow of a representative?
me: She’s very entertaining. Really asked a vital question of Clemens, that he didn’t answer: if this guy’s so bad, why did you keep paying him?
me: Instead Clemens tells a story about golfers near his house? Fuck off, chooch.
brendan: as Karl Ravech notices, the testimony made Burton into an asshole, which is awesome
me: Oh, I just saw that. Amazing, Ravvy vs. Dan Burton.
me: Who does John Kruk trust more?
brendan: he has to be a republican, right?
me: Kruk? Never voted.
me: I’d bet on it.
me: He may not even know that he can vote.
brendan: you’re probably right actually. the problem is, ok McNamee is a liar, but why would he lie about this? you can explain why he lied and protected Clemens, but why would he lie to tear him down?
me: Right, how does he profit?
me: And don’t say book deal, because no one’s buying that shit.
…
me: Wow, Tom Davis is a fucking buffoon.
brendan: he’s awful
brendan: and his hair coloring is gross (davis)
brendan: sorry i had to say it
me: No, you’re right.
me: I was going to say that he looks like the actor Chris Cooper wearing women’s makeup.
me: But I’m glad you went there first.
brendan: œDamn it Bourne!
brendan: and maybe that’s what it is, the make-up
brendan: whoa mcnamee got a correspondence phd?
me: You can do that?
brendan: what the fuck am i doing (at CUNY, where he’s getting a PhD for real – ed.)?
brendan: columbus university in louisiana
me: A Christ-Centered Online Institution?
brendan: unaccredited diploma mill
brendan: love it so they’re hammering him for going to a fake school — how about going after the schools?
brendan: an undersecretary of defense was approved by the senate with a degree from there
me: The administration is full of diploma-mill and correspondence school doofuses.
brendan: well the classroom puts you in contact with other views
me: That can be risky.

…
me: So, Clemens’ vocabulary: bigger or smaller than 200 words?
me: The look on his face after he was just asked about corroboration was priceless.
brendan: 200 for variations of the word pussy that he knows
brendan: i feel bad for him — i mean clearly what they’re doing is the strategy roger cossack outlines: go up there, stick to your story, and mcnamee is too shifty for a prosecution, then you never got caught, and play it as a victory when there is no prosecution
brendan: oh man Clemens just said he took B12 b/c his mother told him to
brendan: no sense of accountability or responsibility anywhere for this guy
me: Clemens won’t be prosecuted. I suppose there isn’t evidence enough to do it. But he’ll never get his name back, and will not deserve to have it back.
me: And I agree, on the accountability thing. He’s never wrong, but apparently will take advice from anyone.
me: Rep. Lynn Westmoreland of Georgia. You, sir, are a fucking idiot.
brendan: yes and will likely serve forever
me: Ripping McNamee over his responses in the secretly taped conversation Clemens played on TV…you are off topic, representative!
me: Request unanimous consent to enter into evidence that Lynn Westmoreland’s IQ is 76.
brendan: Second that request, and call for a vote
me: Mr. Roth…Mr. Roth, aye.
brendan: Redd Foxx’s wife is not what I expected
me: The role of Rep. Virginia Foxx will be played by Burgess Meredith.
brendan: Pow, Biff, Bam, Slap
me: I love the “it is what it is” digression Souder brought up. Souder is my new favorite Republican. At least until I find out where he stands on the defense of marriage act.
brendan: looked it up. vehemently pro-life, hates liberals like george soros trying to legalize drugs. but at least he’s consistent, which in Congress counts for something. clearly his mission is the drug war.
me: Good for Souder, taking a courageous stance on liberal Jewish billionaires. It’s about time someone stood up to those guys.