Newsday’s Ken Davidoff reports the worst manager in the history of the Clearwater Threshers Hall Of Famer Michael Jack Schmidt sent the following love letter to the ’08 Phillies prior to this evening’s contest with the Mets at Shea Stadium :

One pitch, one at bat, one play, one situation, think “small” and “big” things result, tough at-bats, lots of walks, stay up the middle with men on base, whatever it takes to “keep the line moving” on offense, 27 outs on defense. The Mets know you’re better than they are. They remember last year. You guys are never out of a game. Welcome the challenge that confronts you this weekend. You are the best. Good luck. #20.

Schmidt forgot to add, “and if you can’t get it done this month, I’ll be all too happy to take Charlie Manuel’s job over the winter.”   Hey, it’s not for me to say this pep talk won’t prove helpful (not with Brett Meyers having pitched 4 scoreless innings so far this evening), but I sincerely doubt Ryan Church, Johan Santana or Daniel Murphy are particularly haunted by the ’07 Mets’ collapse.  Nor do I think telling Matt Stairs, “baby, you’re the best” is likely to do much good.

Commenting on the possibility of Aaron Heilman being traded this winter, Metsblog’s Regis Coutremanche says “the Mets may not be able to get as much value as they once could for the righty.”  You think?   Coming soon to Metsblog — Tom Sizemore might have a substance abuse problem, there’s a chance the Yankees won’t make the playoffs and maybe Chris Cotter uses some kind of hair gel.

Toasty Joe of Yes, Joe It’s Toasted has been touting his own qualifications to be the next Commissioner Of Baseball, and while he’s made a few sensible suggestions no thinking person could dismiss (“every single baseball fan in the United States of America will get a chance to kick Joe Morgan in the nuts”), here’s a couple of the more provocative propositions.

…Hank Steinbrenner must wear a microphone at all times. Even when he’s taking a dump.

…Anyone who does the “fake charge” toward the mound after being hit by a pitch, or, alternatively, waits until his 25 teammates are on the field to charge the mound, will be subject to an automatic 30-game suspension. Conversely, players who simply charge the mound without hesitation will only be subject to a 5 game ban. Call this the Pussy Edict (or perhaps the Cody Ross Doctrine).

…SNY will be forced to immediately cancel the abysmal “Beer Money” program, and replace it with a weekly game show featuring broadcasters Howie Rose and Gary Cohen squaring off on obscure Mets trivia. I’m talking Danny Napolean/Pat Tabler/Kelvin Chapman-obscure. What Met fan wouldn’t watch this? Who would even win? No clue. Proceeds will go to charity.