The porn-tastically dubbed Scott Long of Will Carroll’s blog seeks to disuade angry moralists and/or anti-objectifiers that Sports Illustrated’s annual Swimsuit Issue constitutes stroke material.

Let me stress to any women reading this entry, if you are upset at your husband or boyfriend for looking at this magazine now, get over it. Many women think that adult males use it for some masturbatory action. Ladies, that™s really sweet, but it™s time someone levels with you. We men only wish we could get off on something this innocent, but years of hardcore pornography have worn off any major thrills a swimsuit magazine could elicit. Not even a Promise keeper member hopped up on a bottle of Cialis could get a hallelujah from his lower pulpit from looking at this issue. Don™t get me wrong, it™s enjoyable to look at, but most of us men now, look at it as male obligation, like taking out the trash or lighting the grill.

Much credit to Long for advancing the above argument. If you have any trouble at home, school or work explaining the presence of the SI swimsuit issue, just explain that like Mr. Long, that you’ve been so desensitized by years of gazing at three-ways, facials and the like, Time-Warner’s big winter earner just doesn’t do it for you. Let us know how that line of reasoning plays.