With a flurry of activity that makes baseball’s trading deadline seem positively sleepy by comparison, football’s transfer window slams shut this evening and even both Matthew Upson’s move to West Ham (or Ronaldo’s shift to AC Milan) were confirmed, the Guardian’s Barry Glendenning had his live blogging hands full.

9.38am: According to one of the papers, Javier Mascherano (above) may not be the only player to leave West Ham today. The Daily Mail reveals that Teddy Sheringham, 153, could be on the way back to his old stomping ground White Hart Lane, assuming Spurs can offload Mido on loan to Celta Vigo. Then again, the same paper also reveals that most seahorses are promiscuous bisexuals (no, really), apart from the British spiny seahorse which remains faithful to its partner. Do you believe them?

9.44am: “What possible reason can there be for ignoring rules which presumably have some reason and thought behind them so Mascherano can move to Liverpool?” enquires Jamie Perry in Melbourne. “There are no mitigating circumstances other than he’s miserable, are there?” Well there’s that, the famous Scouse wit, 50 years of Anfield tradition and the fact that Fifa rules seem to be more flexible than a Russian gymnast, Jamie. Apparently the official Fifa party line is something to do with the fact that the English and Brazilian leagues do not run parallel.

9.50am: It’s not difficult to see why Liverpool want to sign Javier Mascherano. He’s made seven appearances for the Hammers, against Palermo (twice), Newcastle, Man City, Portsmouth, Tottenham and Everton. West Ham were beaten in every match.

They’re deadlocked at 0-0 (2-2 agg.) after 20 minutes in the North London Worthless Cup Semi-Final.  If I’m not the only person on earth watching the match while listening to Dan Patrick argue with Marshall Faulk on the radio, well, I oughta be.

The Offside links to a story in which Paul Gascoigne extolls the virtues of bargain hunting in Ladbroke Grove’s thrift stores.  At least one of those establishments took possession of various moth-eaten bits of my old wardrobe a couple of years ago….so if anyone spots Gazza staggering around Notting Hill Gate wearing a Mets 1999 NL Wild Card t-shirt, well, now you know the deal.